Some Fun(ny) Holiday Memories...

I love the holiday season. For me it starts with Halloween and runs right to New Year’s Day. I was thinking about all the fun we’ve had on Christmas through the years. I treasure all our traditions, memories, and adventures, even the ones that went a little sideways.

When I was little, it actually snowed in Virginia Beach on Christmas Eve (once). When we opened the front door to our little porch, there were reindeer tracks in the snow. I had proof (though no photographic evidence…it was the 70s) that Rudolph and Santa were real. Sadly, I found out later the tracks came from our next-door neighbor’s German shepherd.

One year when I was really small, my parents and I stood in line to see Santa for what felt like hours at Pembroke Mall. I got all the way to the front and had a panicked meltdown. When we left, I was horrified that I didn’t get to tell him what I wanted, and I just knew Christmas was doomed that year. To my surprise, Santa still came, and he brought me some amazing toys. But how did he know? I never told him. I remember running to the phone that morning to let all my grandparents know that Santa’s for real, and that he delivered even if I didn’t have my picture made with him.

I was an only child and an only grandchild on all sides for almost five years. I had a sweet gig. Then along came my sister and my cousin just weeks apart. And my sister came home from the hospital on Christmas Eve. I wanted a puppy, and I got a sister, who was too wiggly to carry around. Talk about not getting what you asked for. It took a bit to adjust to a new baby in the house. She was loud and determined to do her own thing, but I wouldn’t trade her for anything.

My grandmother loved Christmas, and I would always spend the night after Thanksgiving with her, so we could put up her tree. I loved all her vintage decorations. She had a beautiful 1950s angel tree topper. When I came back later to visit the beautiful blond angel was bald. It fell off the tree, and her Boston terrier chewed the hair off.

The same grandmother was known all over the neighborhood for her special Christmas treats. And she loved festive hard candy. She’d put it out in a glass dish with no cover. Every time, we’d try to get a piece of the candy, it was all stuck together. She blamed it on the humidity, and we just chipped away at it until a chunk broke off. One day, I came around the corner and caught her Boston terrier licking the candy in the dish. It wasn’t the humidity.

One of the first times we hosted the holidays at our house, I wanted everything to go off without a hitch. I put the turkey and the ham in the oven, and when I went to check on them, the handle on the oven door broke off completely. I couldn’t get it open, and the door was too hot to touch. It took my husband and brother-in-law with a clamp and a pry bar several tries to get the door open. They couldn’t repair it until the oven cooled down. Thankfully, the meal wasn’t ruined or trapped in the oven.

After spending one of our first married Christmases in Virginia Beach with our families, we packed my tiny Ford Escort and headed back to Central Virginia. For weeks into the new year, my car had this weird citrisy smell that was overpowering at times. I got queasy from the scent if I ran the car’s heater. I tore that car up looking for whatever was causing the unusual smell. Finally, I told my husband about it, and he pulled the cover over the wheel well up. A bag of potpourri had fallen behind the spare tire, and the heat in the car seemed to enhance the aroma. Mystery solved.

What are some of your fun, if not funny holiday moments?

My Funny Christmas Moments...

Christmas is one of my most favorite times of the year. The season is full of sparkle, lights, magic, and the goodness of humankind. My grandmother Ruth loved the holiday season too, and as a little girl, I always spent Thanksgiving weekend with her to help her decorate, bake, and make Christmas candy.

I was the kid who stayed wide awake all night every Christmas Eve, and much to my parents' dismay, I was always up at four or five in the morning to open presents. One year when I was about four, I was so excited to see Santa. We waited in line for at least an hour at Pembroke Mall in Virginia Beach. When it was my turn, fear took over, and I had a tearful outburst. I didn't get to give him my list. I fretted for days that he was going to skip our house that year. I was shocked and SO relieved on Christmas to find out he came through for me.

When I was almost five (and the only grandchild on all sides), I wanted a puppy. I got a sister that year. She came home on Christmas Eve, and things haven't been the same since. I'm just kidding, my sister is my best friend (but I was a tad disappointed that I didn't get the puppy and that she was too big for me to carry around like a doll.

This time of year is chaotic, but it's fun. Here are some of my humorous holiday moments.

I Have Proof - One year before my sister arrived, it snowed late on Christmas Eve. It rarely did that in Virginia Beach. I didn’t know which was more exciting, Christmas or snow. We opened the front door, and there were real, honest-to-goodness reindeer tracks on the front steps. I couldn’t believe it. I had proof. I saw them. That’s where the reindeer waited while Santa unloaded all of my loot.

I found out much later that my “reindeer” was the next-door neighbor’s German Shepherd JoJo.

What is That Smell? - One summer, I was driving back and forth from work, and I smelled this sickening citrus odor in my car. I checked my bags and the car. It kept getting worse, and I couldn’t find the source. When I couldn't stand it any longer, I pulled everything out of the car. Someone had given us a bag of potpourri the previous Christmas, and it had gotten stuck between the back seat and the trunk. It was ripe when I finally threw it out.

Invasion of the Short People - My husband volunteered to help the men’s club at church one year when they decided to sell wooden angels as a fundraiser. The angels were about four-feet tall with the name of the donor on the front. At Christmas time, they decorate the lawn of the church.

He cut about five of them and put them up against the wall in our garage. I went out to the garage in the dark and saw five figures lined up next to the wall. I got a start until I realized what they were. In the dark, it looked like a bunch of short people hiding in my garage.

The Terrible Christmas Cookies - One December after work, my husband met me in the garage. “These cookies are terrible,” he said munching on something hard.

“What cookies?” I asked as I tried to remember what kind I bought last time. He finished his snack and said, “These in the red bag.” They were the peanut butter dog treats my niece made for the pair of Jacks.

I Don’t Care About the *&^%* Carolers - One Christmas, I volunteered to bring four dozen cookies to the holiday party at work. Well, at my house, to get four dozen cookies that look good enough to share, I had to bake six or seven dozen. The malformed ones were for sampling, and the burnt ones went into the trash. About halfway though the baking, I had lost my holiday spirit and all desire for peace and goodwill.

My husband came bounding into the kitchen with the joyous news that we had holiday carolers outside. He wanted to know if we should take them some cookies. By then, the floor, dogs, and I were covered in flour and sugar. I gave him the look of death, and he slowly backed out of the kitchen.

What Happened to the Angel? - One year, my sister and I went over to my Grandmother Ruth’s house to help her decorate for Christmas. When we were unpacking decorations, we discovered a bald angel. Previously, she was a blonde. It seemed she fell off the tree last year, and Patton, the Boston Terrier ate her hair.

It's Awfully Humid in Here - My Grandmother Ruth always had candy at her house. She had an open dish in her living room for guests. During the holiday season, it was filled with all kinds of festive hard candy. I loved the assortment, but it was always stuck together. We had to break it off in chunks. Grandma always chalked it up to the heat and the humidity.

One day we discovered the truth about the sticky candy. We went in the living room, and Patton, her Boston Terrier, was standing in the chair licking the candy dish. I pass on the hard candy now.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season. I know there's a lot of activity, but try to squeeze in the moments to enjoy the magic and fun.

Things I'll Never Do Again...

Someone asked me this week if there was something that I would never do again. There are lots on the list. Here's one from the 1970s...

My mother had a matching pair of hand-crafted, wooden rocking chairs in her living room. The backs of each had an ornate opening that was very large at the top, and the cut-out narrowed sharply at the seat of the chair.

When I was about five years old, for whatever reason, I stood on my tip-toes and put my head through the wide opening at the top. I couldn’t stand on my tip-toes forever, so I slid down to the narrow part, and I got stuck. I couldn’t get my head out.

My mother tried pushing and pulling to no avail. Finally, she was able to rescue me by picking me up and sliding my head out through the top.